DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by PanicButton
Summary: ReidCentric. This is a series of connected one shots taking us up to the Christmas season. Expect some slash and some whump ReidOMC
1. Chapter 1

**DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS**

**A/N: This is a series of connected one shots taking us up to the Christmas season. Expect some slash and some whump and not many roaches or maggots.**

Plus One Frankenstein.

* * *

The pre Christmas office party.

And I'm dreading it.

I promised last year when once again I went alone that this year I would bring someone with me.

I promised myself.

I promised that other person.

I promised my colleagues and so now am pretty much stuffed.

"What is this?"

And the invite is waved under my nose.

"Did you take that from my bag?" I frown and try to snatch it back again.

"Yes I took it from your bag. You can't keep secrets from me by stuffing them at the bottom of your bag. You should know that by now. Well? When were you going to tell me?"

I turn and walk to the kitchen. "I don't know. But I would have."

"You made a promise to me Spence."

And I know what promises mean to Floyd. I won't be able to back out of it.

"I know I did. I know." And I grab a couple of mugs and set them on the counter.

"Dr Spencer Reid plus one." His voice says in a low whispered tone. "Do you know how much I want to be your plus one?"

I pour coffee into each mug and add sugar to one of them. "We talked about this last year." I remind him.

"And you made me a promise." He slides his mug off the counter and places the invite next to the bread bin.

"Well then I know how much you want to be my plus one. You showed me last year. I remember every lick and nibble."

He sips his coffee and looks at me with those deep dark eyes. "You don't need reminding then?"

Right now what I need is a coffee and a sit down in my chair and so I give him a quick shake of my head, but he is watching me. Closely. "What?" I know he is after something.

"You don't want to be reminded?"

I shrug and glance at the invitation and then back at Floyd. "Can this wait?" And I walk by him and out into the hall and down the passage way to the lounge. He is right behind me. I can sense his eyes on my rear. Sometimes I find his constant watching disconcerting. Today however I am enjoying it. I slide into my chair and lean back pulling my feet up onto the leather seat. "You can read to me if you want." I say.

I am now watching him. I see the little flick of the eyebrows and I see the glance back down the hallway and I see his eyes wander over the books and then he looks back at me. "Read to you?" And I smile over the lip of my hot sweet drink.

"Please."

Now this might seem strange, and probably in a lot of relationships it would be totally out of place but Floyd and I both have the same problem – if you can call it a problem…a gift maybe. We can both read at an alarming speed compared to most people. This means that actually enjoying a book is really difficult and is why I enjoy graphic novels so much. I can force myself to look at each panel and allow my mind to sink into each picture and become part of it. I can't do that with words. However being read to and reading aloud is different and so this is something we both do. I read to Floyd and he reads to me. We lay with our eyes shut and permit the words to slowly sink in. We paint our own pictures and enjoy the story as it should be read. Today it is his turn to read to me.

I watch him pull a coaster over and place his mug down and then get up and move to the books on the shelves. Now it is my turn to watch him. I love the way he stands when he is thinking. Feet together…hands by his side but not touching his body and his head tipped slightly to one side. I don't know if this is purposeful posture but I find it quite beautiful. As I slide silently from my chair I watch him lift a hand and run a finger along the spine of the books on the shelf. Some ancient leather bound volumes and some small paperback novels. I know he is concentrating. This is the only time I can ever sneak up on Floyd.

When my finger touches the back of his neck he releases a funny little sound…almost like a sigh, but carries on with the book search.

"I thought you wanted me to read to you."

I lean forward. "I do." I say into his ear.

"Well Spence I am going to find it quite distracting if you have your tongue in my ear." He says as I kiss him gently on the side of the neck. My arms move around so I have a hand resting on each of his hips and slowly he drops his hand from touching the books and turns to face me. His face is so close to mine that his lips are touching mine and as he licks his lips he runs his tongue in the gap between my slightly open mouth. "I think you need to relax before I read to you." He says. And I feel his hot breath over my skin as he pushes my hands away from him and places his on that soft bit of flesh just above my hip bones.

"Relax." He says breathing onto my collar bone and then running his tongue over my skin which is tingling with anticipation. "I like you best when you smell of soap." And that mouth of his is exploring and moving over me in greedy licks and gentle bites.

"We can easily fix that." And my hands have moved up and my fingers are laced at the back of his head twisting in his thick dark hair.

"It might be easier in the bathroom." He moves his hand up to my chest and pushes me away. "Fancy a shower babes?"

We stood in the middle of the bathroom floor and firstly I undid his shirt buttons and kissed his front from navel to neck and then he did the same to me. I know I let out little gasps of pleasure as his lips moved over my skin…as his teeth played with my nipple...and as a hand started to pull at my belt. I listened to the way his breathing changed and the deep controlled breaths became quicker and harder….

-o-o-o-

I tugged at the belt and pulled it away from Spencer and then with quick practiced fingers I undid the buttons on the waist band. He's lost weight again. Not that I mind. It makes undressing him easier and his clothes become looser. "You've lost weight." I tell him anyway. So he knows I've noticed. He likes me to notice these things. It's an illusion that I give a shit. Which maybe I do…maybe I don't. He doesn't need to know really as long as I keep the illusion that I care up. He doesn't answer me though – not really…not in words…his answer comes in his hands moving down my back and pulling my shirt off me down my arms and to the floor. Then those hands move up my bare back. Just his fingertips…moving slowly. Moving quickly. Drawing circles and patterns. Spelling out words, but all the time barely touching me…

As he slowly pulled my clothes away from me I placed my hands on his shoulders and turned him so his back was to me. I can then pull off his shirt and play my tongue over his back. Moving over his shoulder blades and down the knobbles of his spine. I can feel him tremble in my arms as he steps out of his pants and lets my mouth explore further down…my hands moving over his thighs. "Shower." I whisper…and my voice is deep and lust filled and I feel his skin quivering under my touch as he moves forwards my hand moving now up his sides and onto his shoulders, pushing him forwards and under the warm water.

I reach around and pluck the bottle of soap off of the small shower tray and quickly squirt some into my hand…for about five minutes we stand in relative silence. I soap his back and shoulders and then turn him around and he stands and lets me soap his chest.

"Turn around." I say onto his wet skin and he does. "Hands on the wall" I watch as he does what he is asked and I can see a slight shake or shiver as he does it and it excites me all the more. "This is why I need to be your plus one Spencer." My hand moving over him and my fingers start to explore and probe….and I feel him tense then relax and his muscles twitching and jumping as I feel him and love him with my hands.

Slowly with my guidance he moves down so he is kneeling I love this…I love this game…I move in now…hard and with no more preparation and he loves it…I know that the squeals and moans are because he loves every damned bite and punch and thrust and movement. I can hold him with one hand and work him in time to my body….and I can use my other hand to scratch and pinch slide over his shaking back.

-o-o-o-

We spend the rest of that evening just lying on the bed. I read Frankenstein to him lying on my back…and he is on his front propped up on his elbows kissing my chest and nibbling at my skin…but he won't be able to put me off……

"Spence!"

"yuhu?"

"I thought….babes…Spencer!" I put the book down and stroke the back of his head and gently push him downward feeling those lovely lips coming in contact with my skin. "I'm trying to read." I attempt to sound pissed off with him.

"I'm not stopping you." And he licks me.

"You….babes….you….I cant!"

He turns his head slowly and looks at me. "Floyd. I've been thinking."

"That's nice….just do though…no thinking…." I try to manoeuvre him back again.

"No, no wait…I was thinking. Do you want to be my date at the office party?"

"Show me how much you want me first…"

* * *


	2. Chapter 2 THAT TUESDAY

**A/N: SMALL AMOUNT OF SLASH**

THAT TUESDAY

* * *

Long weekend.

Halloween first off was ok. Could have been better. I don't really feel like going into that now though.

Saturday we went out for a drink. He wants to take me to places I've not been to before. In lots of ways.

Sunday – He wanted to give. I wanted to receive. That's good. I had a good Sunday. I felt good – for a short while.

Monday – I felt bad. The Sunday thing maybe was too much. I don't know. I know I liked it at the time. Monday though is time spent cleansing myself. Floyd's not around. He's out somewhere doing something or someone and so I didn't go into work. I called in. No new cases – take the time. I was tired. Too tired to be any use really so I showered. I slept. I spent time in the tub and I slept some more.

Then I sat with a book on my lap. Squashed up on my big chair and didn't look at the words on the pages…I slid my arms up the sleeves of the opposite arm and started to pinch. I dug my nails in and scraped and pinched at the skin on my inner arm.

I know what I am.

This person Hotch sees and Morgan mocks and Garcia jokes with and Emily – well Emily I am getting to know still…these people only see the Reid I want them to see. They don't know this one.

One day they will. One day it will all come flooding out.

It nearly did once before. I nearly talked to Gideon about it, but I would have disappointed him. I would have let him down and he trusted me. I thought he loved me.

So I'm sitting here thinking these things when Floyd comes in.

He doesn't live here. He lives somewhere else. I don't actually know where. I hear the door slam and I hear the locks being slid across and I put my book down and turn to look at him. He looks fantastic. He always does. But I can smell him from here. He stinks…not sure what it is. He is filthy. There is something stuck to his shirt, so I stand and walk over to him. "What happened?" I can see now he is covered in blood and I don't know why I am asking. I don't want the answer. I don't want to know what he has been doing. I want to deny it all and pretend this is normal.

"Nothing happened." He tells me, but that is fine I knew he would say that. He always says that.

"Are you hurt?" I put a finger on his chest and look into his eyes. I can see that darkness there. The one that rests there sometimes – but he shakes his head and pushes my hand out of the way.

"I want you."

I move my hand back up again. "Let me remove this then." I start on his sodden shirt buttons but get my hand slapped away again.

"You smell of soap." He steps closer. "You showered." His mouth touches the side of my neck…his hands come up and rest on my hips. "What are you hiding from me?"

I tip my head slightly to the side. I know where this is going. I know what is going to happen…and the excitement is building up in my stomach causing twists and flips. I can feel my heart pounding and my breathing getting heavier as the adrenaline hits my system flooding my senses. The fingers dig deeper into my flesh as his licks become bites and he pulls me closer.

He likes me to smell like this. I think this smell does for him what his hands do for me.

"Who have you had here?" He asks. His voice is breathy and I can feel it whispering over my now damp skin.

"No one."

I'm not sure if he hates or loves my loyalty to him. I wouldn't go elsewhere. He knows that. Not out of fear of what he would do to me, but no one understands me quite like Floyd. No one. Hotch I know loves me in his own way, but he would never be able to give me this.

My hands are now moving around and they rest on the small of Floyd's back holding him tightly against me. His hands have moved up under the Tshirt I had on and are pinching at the skin on my sides along my ribs.

So this is how it went.

He pulls back suddenly and the fist to my face is so quick and hard I have no time to react to it apart from falling back. My legs catch the coffee table and I flail stupidly as I fly back over it and end up on the floor the other side. My face catches the corner of the table as I slide past it and I'm sure it's cut my face. I want to put my hand to it to see if I am bleeding. Really I don't mind…really I don't…he can do this to me but I have work tomorrow.

"Floyd wait." I say as he is there pushing me down onto my front.

"Just shut the fuck up Spence." And his hands are pulling and dragging at my clothing. I squirm under him and try to crawl away. Not because I want to. Not because I expect to get away, but because that is what Floyd likes. He pushes my Tshirt up and his mouth is on my spine. His tongue is running over the knobbles that run up my back. He pulls at my hips and tears into me.

I screamed.

I know I yelled out.

But…………this is also how I like it. I love to hear him calling me his little whore. I love the feel of his breath on me. I love the way he uses me like the scum I am. He does nothing to pleasure me. This is all him. All take. He will give back later – I know that much and this …. This is worth it. This makes my body tremble with shock and pain and total pleasure. Does he know? Does Floyd realise how much I need this?

I think so.

Later: when things are calmer…when we are curled up together on the bed and he still has on his blood soaked clothes and I am half stripped – then he is gentle. Then his hand move over the bruises on my skin and his tongue licks at the cut on my face.

"I didn't mean you to get hurt." He says this to me. Though it's a lie. He did mean me to get hurt. I'm a genius remember? But for now I let him lick and suck at me and play with me with his tongue and I will stroke the back of his head and arch my back and moan with pleasure. The gentle love he can give as wonderfully as the spiteful love.

I need them both.

-o-o-o-

Today though, this morning he has gone again. I wake up sweaty and dirty and bloody and alone. I don't know when he left but my alarm is bleeping so I don't have time really to think about it. I ache all over today and the side of my face feels stiff and sore. I wash most of this filth off in the shower…but only the external dirt. The dirt inside of me has to stay. I don't have time to relieve that now. I look at me face in the mirror when I shave. I have a small cut under my right eye and a bruise on my cheek. Oh I have marks and cuts and bruises in other places too, but no one will see them. They will notice this though.

I have on my brown pants and a greyish pink shirt with a brown sweater vest over the top and my glasses. They seem to take away some of the rawness of the damage to my face. They draw your attention away from it.

And so I am in the elevator going upwards to work with my bag over my shoulder. I'm not looking forward to this. I'm not sure what I will say and I know someone will ask so when the doors open I make for my desk and slide my bag off my shoulder and sit with a folder in front of me. I could try sitting here all day but I don't think Morgan will permit it.

It doesn't take him long.

"You OK there buddy?" He asks…and I sigh

"I'm fine Derek." And I keep my head down.

"No, no you're not fine. You have no coffee. You didn't say good morning to anyone and you're not looking at me."

"Well I'm not in the mood for coffee, the morning is obviously good I don't need to keep saying it every day, and I know what you look like Derek."

And I hear him move and grab my shoulder and swivel me around on my chair. A set of fingers go under my chin and he lifts my face to look at him. I blink. "Please leave me alone." I say to him.

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you get mugged?" He looks worried.

"No Derek. I was not mugged." I push his hand away.

"Well someone beat up on you."

"I fell."

And his eye brows dance a little jig. "Someone hit you."

I suck on my lips and look directly at him. "It is nothing." And then I push his hand away from me. "And it is not your business." He backs away and raises his hands in defeat.

"You need to talk to someone about it Reid. You look a mess."

"Thank you Morgan. I will take that under advisement." And I bend my head down over my file again. I manage to stay like this in the peaceful quietness of my mind for about an hour before I hear Hotch's voice calling my name.

"Reid. A moment please."

I glance over at Derek who is sitting doing his own paper work. He gives me a quick glance back. "Thank you Morgan." I snap quietly at him and get up to see what it is Hotch is going to say to me. It starts off with.

"Sit down Reid." Which I do…I keep my hands in my lap and my head down looking at my hands twisting and twisting there in my lap.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." But I don't look up at him.

"You are a federal agent Reid. This is not nothing."

"I was not on duty." I mutter back at him. I can feel I am going to have to stretch the truth here a bit. I prepare a scenario in my head. I have all the pieces in place ready.

"Tell me what happened Reid." He sounds concerned. Not angry. Just worried.

"I had a date." I start and keep my head down. I don't want to see Hotch's reaction to this revelation. "It does happen you know. I do date. I just don't advertise it to the whole office."

"OK." He says, but even that one word I can hear is confused.

"Well things didn't go too well."

I glance up at him now. I have to be careful how I word this. He is frowning at me.

"My date. My date hit me." And now I stand to go. He doesn't say anything to me. What's to say really? The guy you thought never dated does – and gets smacked up by said date. He will need time to think this one over.

I don't know why I have kept the gender of my date a secret. They will all know soon anyway now that he is my 'plus one' and I don't want to worry about that for now. I sit back down at my desk and this time it is Derek whose name is being called. He puts a hand on my shoulder as he walks past me – and I accept it.

Then the rest of my day is taken up wondering where the hell Floyd is now and will he be around later.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3 A VISIT

A VISIT

**A/N: SLASH ALERT**

* * *

We had been away on this case now for three days.

It was late. We had finished. UnSub was caught and we had a free evening.

I had my own room, which was nice. Sometimes I like my privacy more than others. This case was hard. Child murders always are. This one though was somehow more painful than usual and so I was glad to be alone at night to think through the day and wonder how I was really feeling about it all. I knew straight away that he was here. My room was full of cigarette smoke, even though it is a no smoking place. I don't mind though. It was comforting to know he had come to find me. He doesn't always. Sometimes when I am away he just goes and finds a whore to keep him company. Today though he wants me. I drop my things on the floor just inside the room and close and lock it behind me. The bathroom door is open but as I pass it I can see it is empty and the light is off.

Once in the room proper I see Floyd sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and a cheroot in his mouth. He has a pile of magazines in front of him. He looks up and me and smirks. 'Hey.' He says and then looks back down at the pictures in the magazine.

'Hey.' I say back and kick off my shoes so I can sit on the bed with him. 'You should have told me you're coming. I'd have got up here sooner.'

'And spoil the surprise?' and he takes my hand and pulls me down onto the bed next to him. With his other hand he starts to push the colourful pictures onto the floor and drops the cheroot butt into a glass of water.

'What are you looking at?' Genuine interest.

'Pornographic images.' And they get pushed onto the floor quicker. 'I've got you to look at now though.'

'I see.' I'm not sure what to make of this, but, he is on me before I can think further. His hands twisting me and pushing me back onto the bed and then his body sliding over the top to keep me firmly in place. His hands now on my wrists pushing my hands down hard onto the bed either side of my head and his mouth crushing my lips. His tongue moving over my mouth searching for a way in. I pull my knees up and wrap my legs around him and though I wriggle slightly under him it's not because I want to get away. Far from it. I want to be like this forever, but I know he likes me to do more than just lay here.

I make little noises for him and twist my hands in a feigned attempt to escape the assault, but at the same time I grip him tighter with my legs and move my hips up to get better contact with his body.

Suddenly he moves back off me and pushes my legs away. 'Wait.' He tells me and before I can move or protest, not that I would, he is undoing my belt and then pulling my jeans off. He hurls them to the floor and then adjusts his own clothing. Floyd rarely strips. I found it weird and somewhat impersonal when he first did this but now I'd have it no other way. Quickly he is back on me and the buttons on my shirt are coming undone. His hands and now his mouth is making its way up my body from hip to throat. Slowly – slowly sucking and nibbling and biting and licking at my skin as he goes. I can hear his soft groans as I wrap my legs around him again.

I need him.

I need him so badly I don't know if I am going to last.

He must be able to feel how desperate I am by the way I am pushing forwards and upwards towards him; arching my back and tipping my head back. I want to shout out and beg him to take me, but there are people in the next room. I don't want them hearing this.

Floyd's hands run over every bit of exposed flesh they can reach. My tie – my tie he tightens around my neck and twists in one of his hands. This is another thing he likes to do. He likes to feel me writhe and struggle under him. However he loves to feel be buck and flail and try to push him away, which is what I am doing now. I don't want bruises on my neck. I am meant to be working. He has to be careful. I want to protest but his mouth is on mine again and his free hand is reaching for something under my pillow. He must have placed it there earlier for he now has a tube of lube in his hand.

I would like to tell him he doesn't need that. That he can rip his way into me if he wants and I know he does want that, but my mouth is smothered by his and my words are being sucked from me faster than I can say them.

It is cold. I feel his fingers touch me and probe me and I know why he is doing this, it's a control thing. He knows I can't call out. He knows I have to stay quiet or someone will come knocking on my door. The more he touches and works with his fingers the more I want him. I can't stop it – little moaning sounds are escaping from me and I just want him. All of him. In me. I want to feel him forcing his way in, but he's not going to do that yet. He is doing something he never does. He is preparing me.

'Please – don't.' I manage to say. My breathing is getting heavier as the tie tightens and the fingers explore deeper places and touch me in areas which make me squirm and buck harder on the bed, begging him, needing him so much. 'Please.' I say again now reaching down and trying to pull his hand off me and away from me and the other rests lightly on the hand still holding my tie, though not so tightly that it is stopping me from breathing, just enough to keep me still.

His hand finally moves away and traces lines up my side as he lowers himself down and finally with hand now covering my mouth and the other away from my tie and holding my left hand down on the bed, finally he forces his way in.

I would scream.

I would howl and yell out and beg for it to be harder and deeper and closer but the hand over my mouth has silenced me. 'ssshhh' he says to me and pounds harder against me and in me, hitting my prostrate and making me push back harder, making my body shake, making the sweat run in rivulets down my sides.

The pressure building up to a point I can't take anymore and we are both satisfied at the same time. Floyd moves his hand and replaces it with his mouth and the kiss is so deep and hard and crushing that I think maybe he is going to kill me with his lust. His hands are everywhere at the same time, touching and teasing me. My hands are one on the side of his face and the other tangled in his hair. Slowly I move my legs down and stop clamping hold of him so tightly and his breathing slows as he slides off me and lays on the bed next to me. One of his hands now on my chest and the other pushing shoulder until I finally turn with my back to him and close my eyes.

His arms wrap around me and his legs curl protectively around mine. 'Thanks babes.' He says into my ear as he presses his body tightly against mine and I push back to feel the warmth coming from Floyd. 'Thought any more about what you want for Christmas?' He asks me, but I can only think of one thing I would dearly love right now.

'Just to get away. For us to be alone somewhere.'

'So you can make a noise?'

'So I can make a noise. Yes.'

'I'll see what can arrange then babes.'

I am falling asleep as he kisses the back of my neck.

When awaken in the morning, he has gone.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4 TRIP TO VEGAS part one

**TRIP TO VEGAS - part one**

* * *

'What are you doing here?' I look over at Floyd who is standing there with tickets in his hand and a bag over his shoulder.

'You're going to Vegas for the weekend. Thought I'd join you.'

I blink and look at his bag and at his tickets. 'I'm taking the time to spend time with my mum.' I tell him.

'You're ashamed of me?' He is frowning. Is that a hurt look on his face? I turn to face him and place a hand one on each cheek.

'Never.' A quick kiss. 'But it won't be very interesting.' Another longer kiss this time. 'I'm just going to see mum.'

'Introduce us. I've met her obviously, but not recently. She won't remember me.'

I pull back from Floyd and bite on my bottom lip. 'I was going to just spend time the two of us for thanksgiving.' I drop my hands and slide them into my pockets. I don't want him with me. I want to see mum and talk to her about dad and clear the air about so many things, but he's not going to let me now is he?

'You can still spend your time with her Spence. I just want to be there for part of it too. I want to be your plus one.' He moves in and picks up my Go Bag.

'You are. You know you are.' I walk in a half circle following him as he walks away with my things. 'Floyd.' I want to ask him to stay here. To tell him I will be back and he won't miss me, but he is already over at the plane and walking up the steps. We sit together. He is by the window and spends his time looking out of it. I am next to him on the short flight. About half way there and he suddenly turns to me and puts a hand on my leg.

'I know you don't want me with you, but I'm trying Spence. I'm trying to act like a responsible partner.'

I frown at him. Where has this come from?

'I don't understand.' I tell him.

'I don't want to be off fucking other guys.' His voice isn't so quiet no one else will hear and I want to tell him to shush, but this isn't the time. 'I want you. It's you I want to be with. I'm just trying to show it.'

I look at him in the eyes and place my hand over his. 'You think I am messing you around in Vegas don't you? You think I am meeting someone else here.' He snatches his hand away.

'Are you?'

'I'm going to see my mum. That is all. No tricks.' I reach out for his hand and put it to my mouth. 'I'm not ashamed of you. How could I be?' I say across the back of his hand and then release it again.

I had booked us into a small motel. Floyd booked us into somewhere a bit more fancy.

'This isn't necessary.' I tell him as we take our bags to the room he booked.

'Yes it is.'

He replies and that is the end of it.

We are alone in the elevator when he suddenly pushes me against the wall and sucks on the skin just under my ear. I don't fight him. I drop my bag on the floor and wrap my arms around him. It feels good not to have to worry that someone will see us. This I think is why we are here. Away from prying eyes. Away from everyone. Except mum.

The room is a small suit.

'Damn Floyd I can't afford this.' I stand and look around the place he has rented for the week. Though we won't be here for a full week.

Maybe.

'I'm paying.' He tells me and my bag is taken and lobbed across the room. The door is secured and he is removing my clothes with such speed that I amazed there is no sonic boom.

'Wait!' I try to push him off but he seems to have far too many pairs of hands. They are undoing my shirt and pulling it off and undoing my jeans at the same time. He is also pushing me back, back, back until my legs hit the bed and with a small squark I am lying on the bed on my back with my clothing mostly removed.

'Hey.' He says to me with a big grin on his face. 'Fancy a bit?' Whatever my answer might have been it wouldn't have mattered. Considering Floyd is smaller than me. A skinny runt of a man, he has me just where he wants me and there is no escape. Though I feign a need to get away. I writhe and squirm as his tongue makes its way over my chest and my hands move down and find his head. He is typical of himself. He is after all the epitome of selfishness. He doesn't ask what I want. Maybe he doesn't need to ask what I want anymore but he manoeuvres me and pulls and pushes me until he has me where I am now.

Wanting him.

Needing him.

Squirming now with need as my fingers twisting in his hair as the licks turn to nibbles and the nibbles turn to bites and he takes me hard and deep and damn it hurts so I scream and his fingers cover my lips and my head is tipped back on the bed. I wrap my legs tightly around him and hold him securely in place and another set of his fingers are moving over me and digging in and scratching and pinching and loving every bit of me he can reach.

When he is done and I am done and we lie on the bed breathing as heavy as two old chain smokers he rolls onto his side and rests a hand on my sticky stomach. 'I will let you shower alone.' He tells me. He likes me to be clean. He likes me to smell of soap not sweat. The offer is more of an order. I give him a quick half smile and push up on my elbows. Again, as usual I am mostly undressed and he has hardly undone anything. One day I will ask him to strip too, but I know It's not something he feels happy doing. I walk to the door I assume is the bathroom and turn back to look at him. He is watching me. Watching everything I do. 'Leave the door open.' Again an order not a request and not something I would think twice about ignoring. He lets me shower in peace and when I return with a big white fluffy towel wrapped around me I can see he has hardly moved.

'You might want to get changed to visit your mum. I'll wait here.' And he rolls over and curls up on the bed as if he is sleeping.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5 THE OFFICE PARTY

**THE OFFICE PARTY.**

* * *

I've not been in work the past few days. It was OK really. Nothing major, but I have a mark on the side of my face again. I do keep asking him to avoid the face. Not vanity. Not in the slightest. I know what I am. I just don't want more questions. He did it anyway. He saw the marks on my arms and just went off on one at me. Like I've never done it before but he was moaning about scars and blood poisoning and how he didn't like me doing that to myself. He doesn't seem to understand why I have to do it though. He doesn't realise that he is the reason I have to try to rid myself of the filth that builds up inside. So anyway, I got a smack to the side of the face. A back hander. I answered back he said, but I can't remember what I said. I can't remember saying anything at all. I think it was an excuse to see the tears. I wasn't crying, not this time, but the pain did bring water to my eyes and that seemed good enough. He calmed down. My tears seem to do that. I am learning quickly how to cry on cue. That said; I do like it. I like to know that he is there and I like to know, I don't know, I suppose I just need to be kept down.

Tonight is the office party. I don't even know if they are expecting me and I'm not going to enjoy this one bit. Floyd has been gone since he hit me last time and I have no way to contact him. I could go to the party alone, but they all know I am bringing someone with me, or I can stay at home and read a book again. I sigh and look in the mirror in the bedroom. I've put on my "party" clothes. Floyd got them for me and if I'm to go to this thing then I really should wear them. I feel a tad uncomfortable. I'm not used to dressing up for occasions but I think I probably look OK. Dark pants and a belt with a chunky buckle. I made him change that though because the original one had "Scum" embossed on it. Actually he didn't change it, he just got me another. This has just a pattern on it, but I'm sure if you look at it right it's pornographic. I'll just have to keep my hands over it. I'm sure no one will notice my belt buckle. The pants are a slim fit and make me look skinnier than I usually do, this is another thing Floyd likes. The shirt is black with a slight design on it and again it's not quite right. It's fitted and long sleeved with deep tight cuffs. I know why. To keep my arms covered. To keep my bruises and marks and scratches away from the eyes of the people I work with. It's not until I put on the jacket I had planned on wearing and slip my hands into the pockets that I realise that the invitation for Floyd is missing. It makes my stomach twist in a familiar happy way. This means he intends turning up. I hope. Or it means he didn't want me to take a replacement. Either way there is not much I can do about it now. I inspect the mark on my face and really it's not that bad even in the harsh lighting in the bathroom. I'm sure no one will notice it.

I get a cab to the hotel. There is a room hired out for the night and I would like to have a drink and relax for once. I have a positive bounce in my step when I get there and walk across the lobby to where we are going to have our Christmas fun.

OK…really I am not going to enjoy this. I don't like social situations of this type at all and will avoid them. I would rather be at home soaking in the tub and listening to some good light music and reading and thinking and maybe have someone there to scrub my back for me, but that wasn't on the invitation and so this is where I am. I pass my invite over to the guy on the door who does a quick check for guns and knives and other such things and I am through the door and into hell.

I just stand there and look around. Maybe no one noticed me arrive and I can just leave again. I can make up some excuse. I make note of where the men's rooms are as the sickening feeling in my stomach rises up to my chest. Everyone seems to have someone with them.

Happy Christmas music is playing and drinks are being handed around. I need to get out. I need to get out now and go home this was a stupid thing to do…I take a step back but it's too late.

'Reid!' Morgan has seen me and is waving manically at me from over by the bar all squished up with a tall leggy dark haired woman from some exotic location. I sigh. One drink. I decide on one drink only. That will be more than long enough for them to analyze the situation. I walk slowly over and put a toothy smile on my face, but it doesn't go as far as reaching my eyes. I can see him looking for the person I am meant to be with and I know everyone will be expecting a girl. At least I don't have that to explain too. One thing at a time.

'What the hell happened to your face?' he is looking directly at the thing I was hoping no one would notice.

'I fell.' I touch it and try to smile. 'It's not that bad is it?'

He's not convinced but he doesn't say anything as the pushes a glass of whiskey in front of me and introduces me to the woman from accounts and gives me a "well where is she?" look. I ignore it. I don't want to explain things to Derek. I just want this drink,

'I'm not staying.' I tell him. 'I need to go back home and relax.' And I take a sip. This is ridiculous. I don't know why I am feeling this why. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm not a freak, so why am I finding this whole situation so difficult? 'I need the men's room.' I push the drink back towards Derek. 'Keep an eye on that for me.' And I walk away. I can feel him watching me but be lets me go.

It is such a relief to be away from all the people. All the questions. "Why is Reid alone? I thought he was bringing someone…didn't he say he had a date?" I know that is what they are saying, but really why should I care. It's only the Christmas party. I enter the stall and close the door behind me and slide the bolt across. I then hold my hair out of the way with one hand and crouching down on the floor I vomit everything I've eaten in my life down the pan. Once the spasms have stopped in my stomach I wipe the sweat off my brow and let go of my hair, but I stay where I am. I can feel my whole body shaking and I don't know why. I don't know what I am reacting so badly to this. I lean forwards slightly and put my hands over my face.

And it is then that I feel it. Fingers on the back of my neck and brushing their way through my hair. I'd know that touch anywhere. I slowly turn my head and look at the mess standing behind me. Honestly for a guy who always looks so wonderful I don't know how he has managed this. Least of all I don't know how he managed to get in to the party at all. Or the locked stall I was in. He looks like he's not washed in days. He stinks of cigarettes and sweat and sex and his clothes are screwed up and smell damp. I think he probably has been sleeping, not that he seems to sleep, but sleeping rough.

'You not feeling good?' he asks me and I slowly shake my head.

'I think it was just the stress. Where have you been?' He takes my arm and pulls me up off the bathroom floor.

'Doesn't really matter where I've been does it? You look good. You look very good.' I want to be able to say he does too but he doesn't. His jeans are ripped out at the knees and he is wearing the "whore" belt buckle. His dark blue shirt is partly open where it looks as though the buttons have been ripped off and the undershirt is grubby with something I don't want to think about. 'You going to introduce me then?' and he's pulling me out of the small cubical and over to the wash basins. 'Wash up. Your face looks a mess.' He tells me. I really don't know if he realised what a state he is in.

'Maybe you want to go home and change first?' I say it quietly almost hoping he doesn't hear me, but I can see from the reflection in the mirror that he did. That little frown line between his eyes has deepened.

'You are suddenly embarrassed about me? You should have told this lot years ago Spence. I don't know what the big damned secret is.'

I turn to look at him so I have my back to the basins and put my hands up one each side of his face. 'I'm not embarrassed about you. Never – I just don't know how they will react. They have this vision of who I am. They think they know me and in a way I've enjoyed playing their game. This will change everything.'

'I want you.'

His lips touch mine.

'At least wash your face.'

My lips touch his.

'You are ashamed of me.'

His tongue licks my lips.

'I smell of vomit.'

'I don't care.'

'Let me find a mint.'

'I said I don't care. I'd have you here you know. Right now…here.'

And his hands are under my arms and he's hoisting me up so I'm sitting on the counter. 'Stop it.' But I'm smiling at him and he has his hands under my jacket and is undoing my shirt buttons… 'No…don't!' But I'm still smiling at him and now with his hands on my ribs and his mouth on my neck I am squirming and wriggling and saying, 'No…don't…stop.'

It must have been around now that Morgan and Hotch walked in and I don't know what they thought they were looking at but I know how they reacted. Hotch grabbed Floyd by the back of his shirt and dragged him off me. I probably looked shocked and horrified that they were here and I probably looked to them like some tramp was attacking me. It all seemed to happen so quickly that it was hard to see the order of events clearly. Floyd hit Hotch who went staggering back a bit, Morgan then wrapped his arm around Floyd's neck and started pulling back. I in the meantime am desperately trying to get my clothes back in order as Hotch comes back in and cracks Floyd across the jaw.

I know. I know full well he could have got out of that. He could have killed both of them faster than you can blink but he didn't. He did defend though and all future strikes were blocked….and I'm saying. 'Stop it!' and they're not listening to me.

'STOP!' and I'm getting myself between Floyd and Hotch now. 'Just stop.'

'Get out of the way.' Morgan is shouting. 'Get security.' But I stand my ground.

'Morgan let go of him. He wasn't hurting me. Just let go.' I turn and look at Floyd's face. Man is he angry. I don't know how he is keeping his temper. 'Morgan, please let go.' I am doing my buttons up as a hand touches my back.

'We have him now Reid. Back off and call security.' Hotch's voice.

'I know him.' I say and I touch Morgan's arm and give him a hard look. 'Please let him go.'

And he does but I can see a confused look over his face as he lets him go and Floyd slides out of the way and walks towards the wash basins muttering something under his breath. This isn't how I wanted things to happen. This isn't how I wanted them to know about us but this is where we are and I need to explain.

'He's my date.' And I don't look at them. I don't need their thoughts and opinions. I walk over to Floyd and put my hand on his back. 'Sorry, I think they over reacted.'

'Over reacted! The man was trying to molest you kid!' Morgan really doesn't seem to understand.

Floyd turns around. I can feel the way his muscles are taut that he is ready to explode into action so I place a hand on his chest. And look into his eyes. 'It's OK. Leave it.' I tell him. 'It was a mistake. I'll sort it.' And as I stand there his hands reach out and rest on my shoulders and he leans in and gives me a long deep kiss on the mouth which I know is only for show and I know he is doing it to spite them but I really don't mind. This is my life and what I want and right now I don't care if Morgan and Hotch approve of it or not.

When Floyd's mouth leaves mine I turn to face them and tuck my shirt back in properly. 'This is Floyd.' I tell them. 'He is my date. He has been my date for a long time.' Morgan opens his mouth to say something. 'Let me finish.' I tell him. 'I realise he's not what you expected. I know you thought I'd invite the girl from logistics or something, but I've been with Floyd for a while and this is how things are. You need to accept it or keep quiet about it.'

'Then it was _him _who hit you?' Hotch is looking at the person standing behind me. A much smaller person than me but with enough anger and hatred in him right now to fill a high school gymnasium.

'It doesn't matter. What matters is that this is who I invited as my date and you just attacked him. Can you please just leave us alone?'

'Reid.' Morgan again. 'Are you sure. That's not how it looked.'

'Am I sure about what Morgan? That I know what I am talking about. I knew how you would react. You especially Derek. I knew you would disapprove of my lifestyle, but it is my choice. I've not been groomed or coerced.' And as I say the words I really wonder for the first time if I have been. 'You will have to accept that I'll never be what you want or who you want. This is me. This is my partner and yes, it's a guy.'

'We need to talk about this Reid.' Hotch tells me, but a hard hand on my arm stops me from talking further.

'There is nothing to talk about.' Floyd tells him, now standing at my side. 'And you will talk to me in future if you have questions about this.' He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights up.

'You cant smoke in here.' Hotch snaps at him.

'I'll do what I fucking well want Agent Aaron Hotchner. I'll do what ever I want. You'll do well to remember that. Spence here has learned that, and so will you. Merry Christmas boys. Spence babes, a drink?' And he takes my hand and leads me out of the men's room and out to the throng of people.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6 Christmas Treat

Christmas Treat.

* * *

Bags packed and ready to go. All I need now is for Floyd to come back home and tell me where we are going. All he said was. 'Pack and be ready.' I asked for what sort of temperatures and he said 'We will be inside. You wont need much.' And so I've packed for a week and now I am pacing my apartment on Christmas Eve wondering where he is taking me.

I've not been back to work since the Office Party fiasco. We are closed for the duration. I have just over a full week off work left and I intend enjoying it. I just need the other half of me to com get me.

A coffee.

Then a glass of wine.

A couple of crackers with a slice of cheese on each.

More pacing.

Another glass of wine. Sweet and red.

And finally the door bursts open and he is here.

I smile at him.

He doesn't smile back.

I am met by a frown.

'Hey.' And I walk to him and with a hand on each of his shoulders I move in to give him a kiss on the cheek. The hand on my chest pushes me back and the look on his face does not make me want to try that again.

'I'm late.' He tells me. He doesn't move he just stays still with his hands at his side looking at me with that deep line between his eyes. The one that shows me he is seriously pissed off about something. I don't answer him. It wasn't a question. 'Did you know I'd be late?' And that line deepens further and something black crawls across his eyes. Some deep dark shadow and I really have no idea what I've done wrong, but I know that there is going to be trouble.

'I d d didn't know. How w w would I know?' Oh god I'm stuttering. He hates that and I can see by the look on his face that I've just made things worse.

'What's his name?'

That really wasn't what I was expecting him to say.

'P p pardon?' I am backing off though. Slowly. Not too fast yet.

He has slammed the door and now is turning around so my back is to him and the bolts are going across. 'His name!' He shouts now and my retreat is faster though I have nowhere to go to. I consider the bathroom. Get a door between the two of us. I run for the nearest door. Bedroom. I am through it and closing it behind me before he turns. I need really to put something under the door handle too, but the small chair is the other side of the room and he will be through this door before I can blink. I click across the small latch and lean on it and wait.

'Well that was fucking stupid wasn't it?' I hear the snarl from the other side of the door almost in my ear. 'I just want to know his name.'

'I don't know – I don't know what you're talking about!' I shout back at him. My voice an octave higher than I would have liked it to be.

'Spencer.' He sounds a little calmer. 'I know you have been with a whore. I can smell him. Was it a blow job? Hand job? Did he fuck you? Or did you give him one? Talk to me babes. I want to know all about your little liaison with your rent boy.'

I shake my head trying to work out what he might be talking about. Who have I been in contact with? Who have I spoken to? No one! There is no one. Except…..

'Floyd, please, there is no one.'

'You are one hundred percent loyal to me?'

'You know I am!'

'You don't even have one off the wrist occasionally?'

'Floyd, you know I am loyal to you. Completely. There is no one else. There never has been. There never will be.' I need to see if I am making him angry or if he is calming down. Having the door between us doesn't seem like such a good idea now.

I don't have to wait long for my answer. The fists hammering on the door are a good indication that he is far from calm. 'I want the whore's name Spencer!' with each word a fist or a kick. 'I – want – to – tear – his – pretty – slutty – fucking – dicksucking – face – off.' And though he isn't through the door I know he can be if he wants. He is playing with me. This really isn't going well. I can't lie to him. He will know. The truth? I'm not telling him that either, so my best bet is to move back away from the door and wait for him and try to talk him down.

I can feel the bed against the back of my legs when the door swings open. Again he just stands and looks at me his hands at his side. I see they are not in fists. He is not breathing those gulping big pre attack breaths. I might have a chance. 'I've not left the apartment all day.' I say to him. Which is true. 'I was waiting for you. I had coffee and some wine.'

'And?'

I just stare at him.

'And what else have you had in your mouth. Come here and let me smell your breath.'

The fists. The breathing. It's starting again. I walk forwards slowly. My legs don't want to take me there. My brain knows what is going to happen. There is no way out. If I comply it won't hurt as much. I just need to do what he tells me.

When I am in his reach his hand shoots out and grabs my cardigan and pulls me forward so our faces are almost touching. I am taller than him and I am looking down at him as he looks into my eyes and his tongue licks his lips. 'Let me taste you.' His voice is low and threatening as I move my mouth closer to his.

A hand on the back of my head stops it from moving away again and another on the small of my back pulls me closer too him. The kiss…the kiss is deep and intense and passionate. He sucks and nibbles and licks at my lips. He brushes his tongue over my teeth…he sucks on my tongue and I am held there so tightly to him I can feel his heart pounding.

But his eyes are open.

His eyes are cold and when I lift my hands up to wrap them around him his hands move from me and push me back. I stand and look at him and he stares back at me.

'Fag breath.'

He says.

'What?'

'You gave someone a blow job Spencer. I can taste him on you.'

'No! Floyd.' But I don't know what to say! I cant lie to him. I cant tell the truth and so again I keep silent, but already I think I've said too much.

'It's not Hotchner. It's not Agent Derek Morgan. So who the hell have you had here?'

'No one.' A whisper.

'Don't fucking lie to me Spencer! You always bloody well lie to me! Just for once…just once tell me the damned truth.'

I shake my head. 'No one' I repeat.

The back of his hand catches the side of my face. I feel the ring he is wearing dig into my skin but I keep my hands to my side. I can't put my hand to it to see if it is bleeding. I need to just stand here and take it.

'Think carefully before you lie to me again.'

And I do. I think very carefully, but if I tell him he wont stay to listen to the reason he will just leave and kill and I cant have that happen.

'He is younger than me.' He tells me. I can't react.

'Taller than me? Yes I think he's taller than me. Better looking? – a better fuck?'

And I made my mistake.

It was so small that anyone else would have missed it, but Floyd has known me for too long. He knows me too well. He knows every twitch and sigh my body makes and that small shake of my head was all it needed. He stopped talking and just stood looking at me again. He lifted his hands and inspected his knuckles.

'Your face is bleeding.' He tells me and he turns and walks from the room.

My hand is shaking as I put it to my face and feel for the damage done. Nothing much, not more than a scratch really and now I don't know what to do. He is feeling threatened I know that much. I have to show him that it is only him I want. I grab a tissue from the dispenser next to the bed and wipe my face and put the rubbish in the bin and slowly and with caution I leave the room.

He is in the lounge. A glass of whiskey in one hand and a smoke in the other. He looks like we never had the conversation but I know now not to be fooled by this. The topic is a long way from over yet. I think if I am fast I could turn and leave the apartment. Just get out. Run. Get out in public. He wont do it in front of other people. He is always the doting loving boyfriend around others. It fools them.

It fools me.

I glance back at the door and I rub at my nose and look at Floyd who is staring off into nothingness and sipping at his drink. I make my decision and walk quickly to him and slide down to my knees on the floor in front of the couch where he is sitting. I don't talk to him but I place my hand on his thigh and look up at his face. He is looking right back at me. I move my hand slowly over his leg and shuffle in a bit closer. I'm not happy with this one bit. I still don't know what he is going to do. He is to volatile when this sort of mood hits him.

It's not his fault.

I aggravate him.

This is my fault entirely.

He drinks the rest of his drink and drops the butt into the glass and reaches forward and with just one finger touches my forehead and says 'Why?'

I don't know how to answer him but he is looking at me waiting. I have to say something. 'Why?' I cant think of anything else to say that wont invoke another angry rage.

'Why do you think I want your dirty hands on me?' And I quickly snatch my hand away and I'm about to move back when his foot comes up and meets my face hard.

I'm not sure what happened then. The next thing I remember is I am being dragged by my arms back towards the bedroom and Floyd is talking to me.

'All I do for you. All I give you. After everything. You cheat on me. I'd give my life for you Spencer and you can't keep your dirty mouth off other guys. Pretty guys. Younger Guys. You fucking dirty slut!'

I can taste blood in my mouth and I try to kick and wriggle and squirm out of his grasp but what for? Where would I go? 'Stop it!' I shout out to him. 'Floyd let me explain.'

'Explain what Spencer? That you whore yourself out? What do they pay you in? What do you get out of it?' He drops my arms when he has dragged me next to the bed and then moves away. Right away. He goes to the corner and sits on the bean bag and looks at me. 'There is nothing to explain.'

I push myself up onto my elbows and look over at him. 'I don't know what you want me to say. You already seem to know all the answers.' I sit. 'You won't believe anything I tell you. Your mind is already made up.'

He nods at me. 'Get on the bed.'

I sigh but I do as he asks. My head is spinning and the simple task of dragging myself onto the bed feels almost impossible. I flop back onto the pillows eventually and roll onto my side so I can see what Floyd is doing. He's not moved. His hands are on his knees and he's just looking at me.

'I fell for you Spencer.' He suddenly says. 'I don't know why. I don't know what it was. Some kind of pull. You dragged me in as much as I dragged you in.' I lay and I listen to him. 'Those hot days we spent when you were a kid and I was around sixteen, way back then, I knew. I was just biding my time. Waiting for you to mature enough. I used to sit and watch you sleep then and wonder what you'd be like. I didn't imagine this. Not ever did I think this would happen.' He takes a deep breath and sighs. 'You were this little skinny thing. Well you still are I suppose, but you went and got so tall babes. So fucking tall! But that was fine, because you were so fragile. So delicate. You needed me to protect you and care for you.' Scratching at his neck now. ' But you don't now do you? Now you've grown and become a man with muscles and an cheating mind. Now that you are just a dirty fag. Nothing more than a slut. Someone comes to the door. "Hey remember me?" He says to you…and you are on your knees and taking him in your mouth and loving EVERY damned minute of it.' I try not to react. 'I watched. I saw him. The whore boy and the slut. My slut, the one who says he is loyal to me. The one I could kill with a twist of his not quite as scrawny as it used to be neck. Was that a Christmas gift to an old customer Spencer?'

'There is no point in trying to explain to you. You have made up your mind already.' I tell him

'I see.' He stands up now 'Don't move. I'll be right back.'

And I don't move. I close my eyes and wait. I've never seen him quite like this before. I'm trying to make it out when he comes back in with a big bag in his hand and he drops back into the bean bag.

'Your Christmas gifts.' He says. 'Which obviously you cant have now that I know what a whore and a dog you really are. This' he pulls a folder out of the bag and throws it at me. Bits of paper fly out of it and land everywhere in the room except on me. I don't try to catch any of it. I let it fall. 'is the deeds for a house. Our house. Both of our names are on it. For us. The two of us. Just outside the city. Up on the hills. Some land around it. A huge mother of a library. Glass roof in the upstairs bathroom. It's magnificent. I know you would have loved it. There is a steam room…a pool..a hot tub. I got the lot installed. For us. The two of us.'

The next thing he pulls out is a set of keys. 'This was my gift to me really but for you to share. I got a new bike. I wanted to feel you behind me on it. I wanted to feel your arms around me. I wanted you.'

He looks over at the bag. 'First edition books. Some graphic novels. That painting we saw in the antique store. They are all here. Or at least the receipts for them so you can go and pick them up, oh and our holiday away from it all. A week somewhere nice just the two of us. A week in Italy.'

I think my face twitches into a smile. 'Italy?'

He pulls the tickets out of the bag and leans forward to place them in my hand. 'I was going to go there with the bloke I love. I was going to woo him and love him and make love to him and it was going to be perfect Spencer.' I look at the tickets in my hand and then back at Floyd.

'It still can be perfect.'

He nods and stands up and walks over to me. He removes the tickets from my hands and goes towards the door.

'Spence babes. You can have the house and the books and the crap. Have it all. The bike though is mine. The vacation is mine. Your whore is mine. You are officially replaced. I don't want to see you again. I don't want you contacting me. I don't want to smell you or have anything further to do with you. At least bedding a whore I know he is honest. I know he will tell me the truth. You Spencer…are just filth. Merry Christmas.' And he goes. I hear the bolts on the door. I hear the door open and then I hear it slam shut. He is gone. And my heart is pounding in my chest and I can hardly breathe and I think the pain I feel inside right now will last forever.

He'll come back.

He always comes back.

He needs me.

I need him.

The tears are silent.

-o-o-o-

The whore boy is waiting for me. Addicted to sex?

We are going to have some fun in Italy.

Terminal.

Fatal.

But fun.

* * *


End file.
